Dictionary of Republicanisms

Thanks to my friend Lani for sending me the new Dictionary of Republicanisms to help us all more easily decipher Washington Republican jargon. (Editor's note:  Recently elevated to "dictionary" status when officially endorsed by Sen. Joseph Lieberman, D-CT - for what that's worth :-)) Alternative energy sources n.  New locations to drill for gas and oil. Bankruptcy n.  A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations. Class warfare n.  Any attempt to raise the minimum wage. Climate change n.  The day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans. Compassionate conservatism n.  Poignant concern for the very wealthy. Creationism n.  Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental. DeLay, Tom n.  1. Past tense of De Lie 2. Patronage saint. Free markets n.  Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense. Girly men n.  Males who do not grope women inappropriately. Growth n.  1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich. Habeas corpus n. Archaic. (Lat.)  Legal term no longer in use (See Patriot Act). Healthy forest n.  No tree left behind. Laziness n.  When the poor are not working. Leisure time n.  When the wealthy are not working. Liberal(s) n.  Followers of the Anti-christ. Neoconservatives n.  Nerds with Napoleonic complexes. Nine Eleven (9/11) n.  Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy. Ownership society n.  A civilization where 1 percent (1%) of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth. Patriot Act n.  The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. Pro-life adj.  Valuing human life until birth. Simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors. Staying the course interj. Slang.  Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result. Shit happens interj. Slang.  Donald Rumsfeld as master historian. Voter fraud n.  A significant minority turnout. Water n. Arsenic storage device. Woman n.  1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child. 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.